I remember being in a local shopping center in aberdeen and getting that "Twinge" in you guts that says run to the nearest toilet, dont ask why, just run!
So off i ran...
Got to the toilet, 2 cubicles.. 1 in use, the other free.. thank got i thought! Went in buckle undone.. then clocked an choked up toilet full of toilet roll. oh hell...
I hung in as long as i could, to see if the guy in the next cubicle was about to leave, he wasn't the get! so i just flush the loo i was in and let go! Hazar...
upon finishing..i went to wipe...3 sheets of paper left..so i had to carefully... and i mean CAREFULLY use them, but it wasn't enough.. then i heard the guy in the next cubicle flush....then wash his hands... upon hearing the main door shut, i opened my cubicle and ran to the next (trousers round ankels) and finished the clean up operation..
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Stubborn Radioactive Turd ...
A mate of mine at Uni had something wrong with his throat, which had been giving him greif for ages.
He had been booked into the hospital to get it checked out. He had to drink Barium or something like that so that he could get an X-ray of the contour of his throat.
The next day he took a shit as usual in the toilet, only that his shit was laced with the radioactive substance he drank for the hospital.
Shit shit soon lost its shades of brown and left a gray turd that was welded to the bottom of the toilet pan for about 2 weeks ...
He had been booked into the hospital to get it checked out. He had to drink Barium or something like that so that he could get an X-ray of the contour of his throat.
The next day he took a shit as usual in the toilet, only that his shit was laced with the radioactive substance he drank for the hospital.
Shit shit soon lost its shades of brown and left a gray turd that was welded to the bottom of the toilet pan for about 2 weeks ...
Friday, October 10, 2008
Dogs......and cats
The stories relate to animals, not humans I'm afraid..
1) Our dog (long deceased) excelled herself on two occasions. My mum used to keep this ancient chip pan in a cupboard in the kitchen, and it normally was full of ageing fat that was used to fry everything. So our dog decided to eat it. About 2 litres of semi-solid fat. Words can't describe what emerged the other end
2) The same dog also decided one day when we were out to eat the contents of the bean bag. Fuck knows how her stomach coped with eating thousands of expanding polystyrene balls, but it gave us all a laugh as she shat out piles of pure white foam the other end
3) Fast forward to the present. My cat, Stimpy, decides that the frayed ends of my girlfriend's jeans look tasty, so she decides to rip off a length, play with it, then eat it. Perhaps the brainless fool mistook it for a mouse.....cue us holding her donw in the sink under a running tap, pulling lengths of shitty string out of her ringpiece. The cat was not pleased by this....
1) Our dog (long deceased) excelled herself on two occasions. My mum used to keep this ancient chip pan in a cupboard in the kitchen, and it normally was full of ageing fat that was used to fry everything. So our dog decided to eat it. About 2 litres of semi-solid fat. Words can't describe what emerged the other end
2) The same dog also decided one day when we were out to eat the contents of the bean bag. Fuck knows how her stomach coped with eating thousands of expanding polystyrene balls, but it gave us all a laugh as she shat out piles of pure white foam the other end
3) Fast forward to the present. My cat, Stimpy, decides that the frayed ends of my girlfriend's jeans look tasty, so she decides to rip off a length, play with it, then eat it. Perhaps the brainless fool mistook it for a mouse.....cue us holding her donw in the sink under a running tap, pulling lengths of shitty string out of her ringpiece. The cat was not pleased by this....
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