The stories relate to animals, not humans I'm afraid..
1) Our dog (long deceased) excelled herself on two occasions. My mum used to keep this ancient chip pan in a cupboard in the kitchen, and it normally was full of ageing fat that was used to fry everything. So our dog decided to eat it. About 2 litres of semi-solid fat. Words can't describe what emerged the other end
2) The same dog also decided one day when we were out to eat the contents of the bean bag. Fuck knows how her stomach coped with eating thousands of expanding polystyrene balls, but it gave us all a laugh as she shat out piles of pure white foam the other end
3) Fast forward to the present. My cat, Stimpy, decides that the frayed ends of my girlfriend's jeans look tasty, so she decides to rip off a length, play with it, then eat it. Perhaps the brainless fool mistook it for a mouse.....cue us holding her donw in the sink under a running tap, pulling lengths of shitty string out of her ringpiece. The cat was not pleased by this....
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